He Hath Risen On His Golden Canvas

Hallelujah! On Easter Sunday morning, The Croppie‘s email inbox chimed with a surprising message: the ‘Crop Circle Messiah’ had likely risen from the grave after the best part of 40 days and 40 nights seven years away from the croppie scene. 

Hallelujah? Well, no. Just a case of oh no, not this bullshit again. If you really have no idea who I’m talking about and their relevance, then let me put it another way…Andrew Pyrka may have returned to croppiedom with a website called Canvas of Gold. Still don’t know him? Let me explain, in brief, before you read a more comprehensive look by clicking here:

Pyrka was and may still be a taxi driver from Gloucestershire who, between 2008 and 2019, ran a website called Crop Circle Wisdom, alongside some truly awful and abusive Facebook groups including Report A Crop Circle Formation and the snappily named Crop Circles: The People, The Mystery, The Truth. Full of Catholic zeal, tabloid headlines—along with some hilariously bad creative writing and image manipulation skills—and a hatred of the dark powers he saw everywhere, Pyrka was determined to spread the word of how things were at any moment in time. It didn’t matter that he had undergone his own personal transformation from know-all true believer to skeptical firebrand. In both instances he was on a mission to bring down anyone whose opinion he didn’t agree with. 

Now, before Pyrka did everyone a favour and took to the hills, he supposedly handed over control of Crop Circle Wisdom to a mysterious figure called Mike Farrow. Weirdly, Farrow wrote just like Pyrka and held the same grudges as him. I bet he even looks the same too. Here’s Andrew, in the middle, next to stud-era Dene Hine and someone called Rob Martins that nobody but Pyrka knew.

Now, within the pages of Canvas of Gold, Farrow has been mysteriously resurrected, writing about himself his good friend Andrew Pyrka in the third person and once again pointing the finger at the same people his buddy had issues with. That some of them are dead or moved on from the scene a long time ago makes it all too clear that ‘Farrow’ really has spent much of the last seven years restoring boats. He gives mention to Peter Hulett, who was on the scene for the briefest time, as someone who was relevant. In Pyrka’s world, yes, as they were briefly business partners, but to nobody else. Oh, and that Rob Martins guy gets a write-up as well. 

Then there’s the stuff about another croppie long gone from the scene. It’s so self-serving and inadvertently funny that I almost spat my purple drank out:

Sometimes the universe reveals a darker side, and this is where I must lower my guard and share some uncomfortable truths. Forgive me for speaking plainly — I hope this will be the only time I need to do so. I’ve made mistakes, I should have acted sooner, and I’ve already offered public apologies for my part in what unfolded. My greatest frustration has always been with those who deliberately seek to destroy others for their own gain.

One of my goals was to track down people who truly knew Paul Jones, to confirm what I suspected. It wasn’t easy, but one person eventually spoke up — someone close to him. They asked for complete confidentiality, which I will honour. Their answers matched my expectations, and for that I remain grateful.

I first encountered Paul Jones in 2009, alongside Andrew Pyrka. The contrast between them was striking. Andrew’s handshake was firm, confident, and warm. Paul’s was limp, his aura unsettling. My immediate thought was: where on earth did Andrew find him? Sometimes you just know when something feels disturbingly off.

Of course you found someone to talk about him, ‘Mike’. Just as you found someone to vouch for the fact you didn’t hoax the legendary Wroughton Blimp episode [click here for more]. 

Hilariously, ‘Farrow’ is writing following an ‘accidental reunion’ with Pyrka at ‘a boatyard’. There, Pyrka gave him ‘all his material — journals, files, hard drives — as if relieved to be rid of them.’ I guess Andrew also had all six volumes of Jesus’s memoirs and the Ark of the Covenant in the boot of his car, which he gave to another old friend when he accidentally ran into them at a snooker ball manufacturing facility. Sure thing.

Another example of entry level silliness comes in the form of the page template used by ‘Farrow’. It looks eerily similar to that of Crop Circle Wisdom. Oddly enough, there are a fair few articles in the ‘journal’ that are no more than slight amendments to what was contained within Wisdom. Wonder why.

Perhaps the most pathetic thing in all of this is that ‘Farrow’ has used AI generated content in an attempt to hide his writing style. He should have stuck with it throughout as it’s all too clear to see what’s going on when his own thoughts are given space. 

I imagine that if ‘Mike Farrow’ wants to play silly games in 2026 he will find that people are less willing to entertain him than they once were. Give it up, Mike. We remember your old friend apparently had a heart condition. We doubt he wants you to bring him unwanted attention.