The BBC recently released Charlie Cooper’s Myth Country, three short documentaries looking at the folklore of contemporary Britain. The second episode looked at crop circles in a light hearted though informative way. Amidst the fun, an anonymous circle maker identified only under the pseudonym Lewis made a brief appearance to talk about circles philosophy and the need for metaphorical magic to sustain the phenomenon.

It should go without saying that not everyone was happy that the BBC had chosen this particular circle maker to speak. Of course, the self-aggrandising Dan Davies of the alcohol and drug addled Team Ten Watt-Clandestine-NYX-DUHH would be the one to spatter the sheets with brown fluids of dubious origin. After all, he follows a similar routine every time a crop circle appears that he could only dream of creating. 

Wee Dan took to Facebook’s crop circle cesspool, his spiritual home, to vent his tears. Tissue in hand and shaking with rage, he poured out his emotions:

The maker interviewed here is a nasty bit of work who chasing lime light an the applause, not for the cause. His slumped posture… Fat little and hand an almost lost little boy voice was a dead give away. 

Cry us a river, Davies. 

Perhaps you can argue the maker is a ‘nasty piece’ because he prefers to stay anonymous and avoids Davies’ habit of threatening violence against men and rape against women. You can also argue that he’s chasing ‘limelight’ and ‘applause’ because he is anonymous, conceals his identity and has otherwise stayed refused to participate when independent filmmakers and other journalists have come knocking. (Team Ten Watt-Clandestine-NYX-FIK are apparently very aware of one of the former.) He has also found no need to spam newspaper offices with suggestions they run a story about him. Neither does he jump up and down on social media demanding plaudits for what he has made. Clearly, this circle maker is a media whore … at least that’s what seems to be rattling around inside Davies’s skull. But The Croppie doesn’t think Davies actually believes this. Why?

Davies has just got a sore backside and is projecting his own insecurities because he wasn’t invited to be part of the show.

The Croppie feels for you, Deiniol. If we were in your neck of the woods we’d invite you over for a coffee, put an arm around you and offer you a cup of tea. We’d do all the stuff any good lady called Rita would. We’d even take you to buy a packet of Paninis. We’d speak to the Sergeant Major and see if we could get you your potato peeling job back. Doing a second day’s work in your life would do you good. We’d even chat to the BBC and ask why they’d gone for someone who can string a sentence together and understands crop circle history rather than you, bro. Come here, mate. 

Given how sympathetic we are, we can’t understand why Davies would make any physical-themed insults, especially when they come from someone who has been named in croppie circles as a ‘Simon Weston tribute act’. We don’t agree with that, incidentally. Well, okay … we see the similarity.

It wasn’t long ago that Davies was accusing the maker of having a scrawny ‘shaking … Beadle claw’. Yet Dan can’t even make his mind up on that. The voice … had Davies been able to keep up — his phone can’t transcribe on-screen text — he would understand the circle maker’s voice was that of an actor. (The Croppie is pretty certain it was Paul Chahidi, who played Reverend Francis Seaton in the television show This Country.) And what’s with the posture thing? How has someone sat bolt upright got bad posture, Deiniol? Think of Rita, dude, is this what she’d want?

Sadly, Davies couldn’t resist the obligatory threat of physical violence to make himself look rather weak and troubled:

slack posture of streak a piss gave it away lol
I like the way he held his hands together to stop them shaking
He will. Shake when one day our paths cross and he will regret ever knowing I existed…

Come on now, Deiniol. There’s only so much we can do for you here. The maker in question is almost certainly shaking intensely with laughter at you right now. He can surely see your rear is only slightly redder than that of the average female baboon on heat. He must be wondering just what on earth you will do that will cause him to view you as anything more than a pitiable joke. Are you going to summon the beast inside and threaten to do illegal stuff to him as well? Do you really think such threats are of any concern to him? No, we don’t think so either. Fairly or not, we suspect he views you as nothing more than a curiously agitated soul; a comedy act who is exploiting crop circles in a misguided and ultimately ill-fated attempt to be famous. 

Awww, let’s hug it out, fam. We don’t see you as anything other than free content misunderstood, Dan fam. Honest!