It has been a while since we’ve had a Croppie Gossip piece, largely because The Croppie tends to pay very little attention to Facebook these days. Indeed, The Croppie only sees what is received in the inbox. Usually, it’s screenshots of someone posting photos of the same few crop circles again and again and again on a weekly basis and proclaiming them ‘iconic’. But it gets to the point where it is just background noise. No matter, The Croppie’s interest was piqued by two recent happenings that go to show you really shouldn’t believe everything you’re told online by alcoholics and drug addicts in the crop circle sphere.

Out on the Queensland coast is a man who splits his time between admiring his dentures and raving in the most fantastical fashion about crop circles and what he believes is happening behind the scenes. ‘Puck … Faust … insidious groomers,’ the insults served up by this oddball are both legendary and laughable. Funny thing is he only rants in his own safe space on Facebook and only about people he has previously blocked on social media. This is why space cadet Hamish Jacobs hasn’t been on The Croppie‘s radar for quite a while now; there are infinitely more rewarding things to do than set up a fake account to follow the ravings of a man who hasn’t been within a thousand miles of Wiltshire. Then, a week or so back, The Croppie received a rip-off as to Jacobs’s latest weirdness.

If you remember Hamish from these pages it’s because he’s been given the derision he deserves for having been the unofficial agent for one particularly fame-hungry crop circle maker. But now his would-be son and their pet poodle have walked away from the fields and spend their days reminiscing, with no little delusion, how fantastic their crop circles were and what an important role they occupy in world history. Hamish has nothing left and so he’ll hang his hat on any peg in a bid to appear relevant and not the peculiar, sad, bitter, hanger-on he is.

Hamish’s latest piece of weird behaviour is to celebrate defacing of crop circles by farmers who don’t want tourists traipsing through their fields. It’s an art movement apparently, best exemplified by the farmer (possibly of the Longwood Estate) who recently dumped a pile of manure in the Owslebury formation:

I don’t care what anyone says, this is brilliant. As I’ve been saying re the farmer’s reactionary art responses with their additions to crop circles on their land — this one goes to a new, and higher level altogether, and dumps literal shit onto the pointless, metaphorical shit in his field. Shit that had no other purpose than to perpetuate fake mystery, and fill the pages of next year’s calendars that will be flogged by the usual shysters, and vested interests. Full marks to the farmer for creativity, and REAL (not phony) artistic content. More, more, more.

Gosh, doesn’t Hamish have some very entrenched views. The same ones he’s been trotting out again and again for years, especially the one that crop circles exist to make money. That this Barney tribute act actually seems to believe this suggests how little he knows beyond the views that have been placed in his head by the subnormal former circle makers he likes to associate with.

Nobody is making a living from crop circles, Hamish. In 2023 it simply isn’t possible. No circle maker says aliens make crop circles, despite what you may think. These people choose to work anonymously and it is up to their audience to interpret their work. No circle maker goes out into a field to please any photographer or anyone else with a vested interest. If you’d taken the time to read our currently incomplete Circle Makers Speak series, you’d understand why they do what they do, but The Croppie appreciates that it involves facing down cognitive dissonance and removing your index fingers from your ears because your pet simpletons aren’t included. Furthermore, do you really believe any circle makers will care that the farmer has dumped a pile of manure in a crop circle they’ve made? They won’t. They probably thought it funny. Circle makers are more than used to their work being mown out or defaced. As soon as they leave the field they are aware that their work does not belong to them and has an uncertain future. 

Hamish Jacobs seems determined to make the hashtag #shitart take off on social media. So The Croppie thought it time to help with some good opening content:

A pseudo-circle at Sixpenny Handley, created by Dene Hine and Dan Davies. The additions are an improvement to this pictorial representation of a waste disposal unit. Photograph by Nick Bull

Why would anyone want the world to see this mess … unless they’ve no shame? Congratulations Dan Davies.

On the subject of people naively believing a lot of the silliness that gets written online, step forward Francesco Grassi. He’s the Italian land artist who makes some great works in crop with some seriously enviable manpower that is unthinkable in 2023 for an English based circle making team. He’s also a skeptic in the vein of others who just want to save everyone from the danger of believing ET presses patterns into wheat fields. The Croppie is normally very tolerant of Francesco’s back and forth debates (which, let’s be honest, are ultimately pointless) with paranormal loving circles enthusiasts who just want to follow their hopes and dreams. Recently though, Francesco published a quite astounding claim about Steve Alexander who runs the excellent Temporary Temples website:

I know very well that Steve [Alexander] commissioned the circlemakers [sic] to create formations and being the first one to get pictures with the helicopter, ready to be sold. Circlemakers [sic] never made money out of their circles.

Sorry Francesco, you’re plain wrong. Steve Alexander does not commission circle makers to go into a field and covertly make formations. It just does not happen.

Next, so what if Steve Alexander — or anyone else for that matter — takes photos of a crop circle and makes money from selling them? Francesco, step back a moment. Your perspective is that of a land artist and not a circle maker. A circle maker works covertly and once they have left the field their work is anyone’s to do what they want with. A circle maker will not publicly say ‘I made this’. A circle maker does not go into a field with the intent of making money. They accept that their work is in the public domain.

Furthermore, and without being disrespectful to him, Steve Alexander is only rarely going to be first with photographs these days. Hiring a helicopter and pilot is a lot more time consuming than throwing the Mavic Mini drone in a rucksack and heading off in the car. At time of writing, Alexander has flown one circle in 2023. There has been no 2022 year book. Now, why might that be? Because he’s rolling in cash from his exploitation of circle makers?

The irony here, Francesco, is that your comments were left in response to the one of the creators of the Ansty circle that was a giant advertisement for American bong manufacturer Mothership Glass. You may be unaware, but said individual asked his then girlfriend to message Steve Alexander. She told Alexander to pass off the Ansty piece as mysterious. Isn’t it funny how times change and said Ansty maker gets very upset when Alexander says ‘mystery is the key’.

And whilst we’re here, and given how hot you are on intellectual property rights, you don’t find it hypocritical that the aforementioned individual regularly writes nonsense about Alexander (complaining that Steve photographed his work) and then, in response, uses Alexander’s photographs on social media with their watermarks removed?

Let’s be straight up here, Francesco. You make some wonderful pieces of art in fields. All power to you. At the same time, you’re not a circle maker. The people you see running their mouths on social media and crying about the Alexanders are not circle makers. They’re washed up, bitter souls who have never wanted anything but publicity. It’s about themselves and not crop circles. 

All of the circle makers The Croppie knows are quite content to go out, make circles and let the world do what they want with their work, whether that means making money or proclaiming the latest formation to be the work of aliens. Circle makers certainly don’t need you to speak out on their behalf when you’re giving a false impression of their viewpoint.