2024 Circles: Badbury Rings Hoax
Date Reported: 19 July 2024
Location: Badbury Rings, nr. Kingston Lacy, Dorset
Photograph by Hugh Newman
The Team Ten Watt shit show rumbles on and is shittier than ever before. The latest arrival from Britain’s most hare-brained stomper-wielding subnormals is a skewiff take on five fold geometry, the plan for which was originally published on Dan Davies’ Facebook wall in March of this year. Don’t believe us? See it below.
Still don’t believe us? Close the door on the way out and ingratiate yourself to the fundamentalist likes of Paul Jacobs.
Within the pre-event advertisement, Davies suggested real circle making teams would want to steal his design. Clearly, he’s an inflated sense of his own ability to suggest this graceless, ugly piece would be worthy of theft. As paraphrased by someone online, the circle resembles what you’d expect if you’d bought a laser level from Wish. To give him the tiniest bit of credit possible, at least Davies’ produces his own designs rather than ripping them straight from the internet and falsely claiming copyright over them.
Moving on … the completed, slightly non-circular hoax was discovered by none other than Ten Watt’s favourite useful idiot with a drone: Mark ‘Billy Bullshit’ Breen. He just happened to be in Yeovil at the right time for a lardy cake, and possibly a full English that left him feeling uncomfortable for the rest of the day, not far from the home of Ten Watt braincell Dene Hine. Such a coincidence. Maybe he was even in the field the night before.
Then Team Ten Watt accessory and tear-prone human garden roller Frank ‘Giant Wheatstacks’ Smithland just happened to turn up with his drone as well to discover the ‘unexpected bonus’, subsequently deleting his Facebook post after Dorset Police were tagged in the comments.
Why would he be so hasty to get rid of it if he wasn’t involved?
Quickly, in true Ten Watt fashion, the cover story turned as flimsy as polythene once Team Dim sounded out P-O-L-I-C-E. Davies and Smithland became all uptight on Facebook, accusing real circle makers of having stolen the design and made it on their ‘turf’ as a malicious act. ‘Thieving scum’ droned Smithland, as he did at his stomach the day he last saw his own genitals. Davies randomly chipped in like the village imbecile, drooling over Nick Bull’s bedroom habits.
Yet, for all of the faked indignation and panic, the other third of Team Ten Watt hadn’t received the script. Neither was he digging out his passport and heading to the airport. To the contrary, Hine was quick to share the plaudits and even claimed the hoax’s wonky appearance was nothing to do with poor surveying, just a consequence of indirect overhead photos. (We guess there must be some kind of magnetic anomaly preventing all drones from grabbing that sacred direct overhead!)
Indeed, had anyone stolen Davies’ design, we would have expected Hine to have responded similar to how he did in 2021 when he alleged ‘his’ ***cough*** designs had been stolen after he’d slapped them all over Facebook for the world to see. Back then he cried, wept, snivelled, sobbed, howled and screamed foul, then criticised, hammered, made threats and threw the rattle out of the pram. This time: nothing. He was as furious as the average three year old is to Council Tax increases. Almost as quiet as Julian Richardson after Hine claimed half of the former’s back catalogue.
Not even Davies could get his own story straight in the end. He went from the crocodile tears of the victim to suggesting the supposed thief was jealous of the completed hoax. Doesn’t there need to be some kind of intelligence test introduced before people have access to keyboards?
Clearly, the Badbury Rings wonk is the effluent of Davies, Hine and their undignified setup. We can’t be bothered to waste any more webspace showing it other than the image at the top of the page and this one here (pay extra close attention to the inner white star as it reveals why the circle is off kilter:
Finally, let’s spare two thoughts. One, for Hine fan Colin Andrews whose myopic vision and mid-to-long term memory are in desperate need of assessments, having labelled this hoax ‘one of the most visually pleasing [circles] I have seen since the ‘80s.’ Really? Crab Wood? Milk Hill, East Field, Chilbolton? Great Shelford? Stoney Littleton? Seriously? That last bit of credibility Andrews possessed has disappeared quicker than you can ask ‘who actually misled the Hopi?’ Then, finally, there is the Crop Circle Connector who have seized upon this hoax despite them being completely aware how it came into existence. It just goes to show that when there’s slim pickings, and advertising revenue on the line, the starving will ravenously go after anything that superficially resembles a crop circle.
